May 2013
tumblr has given me the worst sense of humor ever i’m gonna be so screwed for school like if some student catches on fire i’ll probably burst into laughter
i get really uncomfortable when people don’t maximize their browser window
richwhitelesbian:
we need some new and more powerful swears
claydols:
im trying to be more positive *sheds electrons and becomes highly unstable*
axto:
aleetlepinch:
I’m so sick of people thinking they can just waltz into my room when I’m obviously listening to music in 4/4.
I just wanted to reblog this again because I find it inordinately funny.
feistie:
megvsshark:
trishhyy:
when a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she’s either really interested or you’re level 99 friend-zoned
Or she hasn’t spotted you in the tree yet.
ITGOTBETTER
sirseahorse:
stabsinthe:
if gatsby wrote a letter to nick it would be addressed to “old sport” because i firmly believe gatsby doesnt know nicks name
#it’s at that awkward phase where it’s too late to ask him
adambloghart:
artaeologist:
there are five frogs staring at me right now
but only one can be america’s next top model
jaclcfrost:
talking to someone
talking to someone and they mention A Thing you like that you didn’t know they liked or knew about
best-of-funny:
congragulation:
WHOA kids born in 13 will be turning 2000 this year
X
odair:
solitaryconfinment:
odair:
when will they invent away to make puppies stay puppies forever its 2013 cmon obama
This is a full grown Golden Cocker Retriever, otherwise known as a forever puppy.
THANK YOU OBAMA
aristo-kitty:
fuckyesquidditch:
theybuiltastauteofus:
I think I understand Quidditch more than I understand football.
I know I understand quidditch more than I understand football.
See, I’m not even sure which football you’re talking about. Don’t have that problem with quidditch.
teacher: where's your homework
me: where's leonardo dicaprio's oscar
ticklishbutts:
theladyofpie:
ticklishbutts:
the Cold War is basically just the United State and the Soviet Union saying how big of a penis they have but when it comes down to it neither of them actually want to flash the other to show for fear the other actually does have a bigger penis
Holy shit, that’s spot on
I don’t post faulty penis analogies so of course it is
Maybe if period pain burned calories it would be worth it
best-of-funny:
inkys:
if you have a trampoline at your house there’s a 100% chance that when i’m over all i am thinking about is when can we go on the trampoline
X
ronaldkn0x:
ronaldkn0x:
tumblr famous yall
this was my first post im crying
teenagesophiebennett:
you know parents make such a big deal about explaining homosexuality to their children but when I was a kid I watched a show where one of the villains was a satanic cross-dressing lobster and never once questioned it
hair-old-styles:
harrystyies:
What if oxygen is poisonous and it just takes 75-100 years to kill us?
My science teacher said he thinks that’s true actually
I was looking at my friend’s cat pictures and she has a cat that’s more attractive than some human girls…
I WASN’T KIDDING
me at school: omg when i get home i've got to do loads of shit like finish that project and read that book omg i need to review for that test too omg so much to do
me at home:
fancifullauren:
irishfangirlshipper:
dorkstrider:
why do women’s clothing designers believe that girls do not need pockets
It’s so they can sell us bags
shutupaubrey:
i’m just a cool dad trapped inside the body of a teenage girl
chantersboard:
I love when you can tell someone’s going through a tracked tag because for like 23 straight posts they reblog nothing but macaroni and cheese
cokeflow:
mirandasexnoise:
greg0ry:
nicki minaj is 30
how
she was born 30 years ago
thesickestjokes:
I’d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: “Those bastards are hiding something delicious in there I know it.”
Admit It. We have all tried to have a diary but...
shakespeareintellectualbadass:
hopperthedragon:
hogwartskidsproblems:
sodamnrelatable:
So we made tumblrs.
#Not Voldemort
yah he really put his soul into it
oh my god
bayconbit:
concernedresidentofbakerstreet:
r0dents:
fireflufferz:
sigh-asdfghjkl:
andrewhussiesbosom:
[9th grade voice] ugh 8th graders
[8th grade voice] ugh 7th graders
[7th grade voice] ugh 6th graders
[6th grade voice] haha ‘penis’
[5th grade voice] *gasp* you said penis
[College voice] haha ‘penis’
usapotterfan:
avenger-kitty-glorious-purrs:
lovelynobody00:
iamshirelocked:
yo mama’s so fat every time she turns around there’s a new season of sherlock
I’m not even in the Sherlock fandom and I literally spit food all over my laptop when I saw this.
dat reaction image
(A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)
Angry Customer: “Damn f**s.”
Gay Man: “Excuse me?”
Angry Customer: “You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”
Gay Man: *quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”
Angry Customer: “Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”
(The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)
Angry Customer: *to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”
(Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)
Owner: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”
Wife: “Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”
Owner: “Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant; I gotta assume it’s your pet.”
(The angry customer storms out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)
best-of-funny:
ameliaslastgoodbye:
one thing I will never understand is how normal people are unaffected by movies or books I mean when they watch a movie or finish a book they say “well that was a good movie/book” and they move on while I have an existentional crisis and question the whole universe
X
sly-mcp:
whothefuckisalexturner:
abhortion:
ginnifergoodwins:
foodtrucker:
‘it’s not cold’ said the PE teacher with a coat on
#glad to know it’s international
#’it’s just drizzling’ said the PE teacher opening an umbrella
“running for 20 minutes isn’t that bad”, said the PE teacher from the chair
‘you’ve got to stay healthy’ said the PE teacher eating a mars bar
“being on your...
